Gnomes Avoid The Long Arm Of Tyranny

Here is a call to all those who fancy themselves "upstarts". For anyone who ever painstakingly inscribed the symbol for anarchy onto a belonging or body part. May I suggest Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell" for a musical companion as we foray off the beaten path. Gwynneth Lester could give us all a lesson in sticking it to the man. Good show, madam!

Movie Review: V For Vendetta

As this movie is currently stirring up a decent amount of controversy, I truly expected more. For starters, I don't think that the controversy is warranted, as the "issue" that everyone is talking about isn't really pulled off all that well.

Let me back up a bit. A few days ago, a friend and I were discussing movies, and how we look at them differently the older we get. For me, I want a movie to be one way or the other - i.e., either completely serious, or completely over-the-top stupid and un-realistic. If I am going to suspend belief in reality, a film needs to go all the way with it (Star Wars, X-Men, Batman, etc.). If, however, it tries to have a message and be serious, I would like it to be firmly based in reality. This is where Vendetta falls short.

It is obvious the correlation to current events that the producers/writers tried to make - creating a world where fear has lead a religious, conservative leader to take away the freedom of the people via censored news, curfews, and the rounding up of "undesirables." The hero, "V", is a victim of this tyranny and oppression, and subsequently sets out to destroy said fascist leader/government. This is where the current controversy arises over this film. The hero is labeled a "terrorist" and uses terrorist tactics to make his mark (blowing up buildings, for example). Many have said this glorifies terrorism, and that the movie sends the wrong message because of it.

My opinion? The movie, in brutal honesty, is not smart enough to send any real "message." Here's why (glad you asked) - if you view this movie as I do (in one of the two ways I described above) you can either suspend belief in reality and not take it serious, in which case it's hard to appreciate any real "message"; or you can take it seriously, in which case you must completely ignore reality and believe that we are only ten or fifteen years away from a religious, conservative dictator ruling a western country with a fascist Nazi-esque regime. I'm sure that there are many Moveon.org fruit-cakes who subscribe to that being a serious possibility, but for those of us who can pass a drug test, that's a little far fetched.

Am I taking a movie too seriously? Quite the opposite. This is the whole point of the review; I don't think you should take this movie seriously, but unfortunately, it falls in that middle ground of not-quite-serious and not quite full-fledged-fantasy, which leaves me feeling as if it is missing something. Is there any good to it? The acting was fantastic. Hugo Weaving's dialogue is some of best I have heard in a while, and it doesn't hurt that I got to look at Natalie Portman for two hours (even if she was bald for the last thirty minutes or so). The premise of the movie is a good one, even if it just doesn't fully exploit that potential. Visually speaking, it was very, very well done. Great soundtrack, as well. Something that seems more and more rare these days.

In the end, it just left me feeling let down. As if they could have done so much more. Seeing as how this was done by the same guys who did the Matrix trilogy, this is not surprising. Vendetta is along the same lines; a movie that tries to be deep, but ends up being no more than a screen adaptation of a comic book. Definitely worth a rental, but hard to say if it's worth more than that.

Read reviews from my buddy Jason here, and Dave at Garfield Ridge here, for a different perspective, if you wish.

Ninja Problem

I'm sorry, you have ninjas. What do you do when you have a problem with ninja infestation?

The video is a little long, but well worth watching the whole thing.

Hat tip to Mrs. Wake-&-a .5 for the link to the video. Funny stuff.

South Park Vs. Scientology

If you want to see the episode that started the current controversy with South Park and Scientology, you can watch the whole thing for free here.

I have written here before about not being a huge fan of making fun of religion, but in all seriousness, Scientology isn't a religion; it's a scam.

The episode is about 23 minutes long. Oh, and be prepared to laugh. A lot. But only if you think making fun of Tom Cruise is funny. Which you should.

New Standard

I've always thought Natalie Portman was very attractive, but she just jumped a couple notches up in my book. Seriously, if you ladies out there want to know how to win my heart, just know that making out with a monkey is right up near the top on the "things I find ridiculously hot" list.

Incidentally, I have been trying to upload this image to my blog since last night (flippin' blogspot!), then Dave at Garfield Ridge goes and beats me to it. Bastard!

Saddam and al Qaeda

Saddam's Philippines Terror Connection - Hussein had connections to terrorists? Say it isn't so! Who would have ever thought?!?!?

Oh that's right, a lot of us. Read the whole article if you have the time. Thanks to Hugh Hewitt for the heads up.

Caption Contest

I'm just not real sure what to say right here. My brain kinda shut down after seeing this. I think it was a system overload. Make your own funny.

No Shortage of Good Tunes

Ready to be amazed, world? Hope so, 'cause "it's Chico time"!!!

LONDON (Reuters) - A former goat herder and male stripper has sold twice as many
records as Madonna in recent weeks to become the first Arab to top the British
pop singles chart since records began 44 years ago.

That sentence tells me all I really need to know. I'm sold.

In Britain he [real name: Yousseph Slimani] worked as a "exotic male dancer" to
pay the medical bills for his grandmother after she suffered a stroke and wished
to travel for healing to the Islamic holy city of Mecca.

First off, I can't figure out why he changed his name to "Chico." Saying, "man, that Yousseph Slimani rocked last night" has such a nice ring to it.

Second, what's with the sick grandmother story? For once, I would like to hear someone say "yeah, I was an exotic dancer, but it was only because I could make huge amounts of cash by stripping off my gear shaking my junk in front of people." People are going to make jokes about it regardless, at least be honest and you can have that going for you. The "hooker with a heart of gold" story is wearing a little thin these days.

As for me, I'm off to save an orphanage from terrorist Nazi Communists. It's not as noble as Chico, but it's a start.

In the Mood for a Movie?

I'm sure that you've been saying to yourself how much you appreciate all the musical links to great stuff (Hasselhoff, Kim Jong Il) on this site, but what about a movie that truly takes your breath away? Never fear, I have found what you seek.

My Little Pony: The Princess Promenade.

Again, read the comments. "It is like drinking unicorn giggles."

Good times, good times.

Studying is For the Weak!

Light posting today, on account of a crappy mid-term test in crappy political crappy science (I'm not bitter).

But here is a cool quiz that I only got five out of ten on.

Thanks to Retired Geezer of Blog Idaho.

Whinny Writers of Cheesy Stories.

BROKEBACK AUTHOR SLATES OSCARS - Aww, is someone a wittle upset over not getting some meaningless award?

In an essay published by British newspaper The Guardian, Proulx describes voters
as "out of touch" and "segregated" from current issues.

Right, because someone who writes stories like Brokeback is "in touch" with current issues. From what I understand, the topic of gay sheep-herders was the #1 hot-button issue for water-cooler talk in 2005.

She writes, "Roughly 6,000 film industry voters, most in the Los Angeles area,
many living cloistered lives behind wrought-iron gates or in deluxe rest homes,
out of touch not only with the shifting larger culture and the yeasty ferment
that is America these days, but also out of touch with their own segregated
city, decide which films are good."

Hollywood out of touch? SAY IT ISN'T SO!!! If this is actually a novel concept to someone, they live on a different planet than the rest of us. "...yeasty ferment that is America these days"??? What is she, a Southern-Baptist minister?

These people amaze me. They truly do.

Hasselhoff Has Major Competition

Kim Jong-Il gets jiggy with it - I knew it would be hard to top the musical greatness of the last post, but I think this should do just fine.

NORTH Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il may launch a sneak attack on the world's pop
charts - with the love-song I Am a Front-line Soldier's Wife.

There's nothing sneaky about that. That is pure gold, baby!

Since the Korean War ceasefire in 1953, North Korea has waged an unending
propaganda war upon the "decadent cesspool" of Western liberal democracies,
especially the US, Japan and their allies.

But they waited this long to release a gem like Song of Coast Artillerywoman? What the hell, Kim? If I had been able to bee-bop to smooth sounds like that sooner, I would have given up this "decadent cesspool" years ago in favor of your land of groovy tunes.

For music-lovers tired of silly love songs, say the new North Korean hit tune, A Girl Innovator Dashing Like a Steed is a refreshing change of pace.
Other popular airs include Song of Coast Artillerywomen, Girl
Silk-weavers of Nyongbyon and I Am a Front-line Soldier's Wife,
the KCNA news agency reported.

For my money, it doesn't rock much harder than Nyongbyon. Once they hit the bridge, forget it man, I am gone.

It is unclear whether the tunes have a beat that people can dance to.

Unclear to the writer of that article, maybe. But certainly not to me. I'm packing up my cowbell and moving to North Korea. Rock on, Kim Jong Il. Rock on.

Musical Gold-Mine

Ever wonder what the greatest album of all time is? Well, look no further my friends. The light has shown down on us, this glorious day I tell you. And we will look back on this moment as a turning point in our growth as beings who understand fine artistic expression.

Just go here to see what I am talking about.

P.S. The whole joke is for you to read the reviews people wrote on this album. Pure genius, I say.

DVD Review: Walk The Line

Although this was one I wanted to see in the theater, I just got around to renting it this weekend. Overall: Good, solid movie. For some reason, however, it seemed like something was missing.

Being a pretty big Johnny Cash fan, part of me was pretty skeptical about this film. I had heard that the actors do all of their own singing, and with a legendary voice like The Man in Black, I figured that would be pretty hard to pull off. And, let's face it, this isn't a character from fifty years ago that has long since left the public consciousness. The man was famous for about forty years, and he's only been gone for a couple. So it's pretty easy to have some preconceived notions of how he should be portrayed. The man was, and still is, an American icon.

The movie essentially chronicles his rise to fame, beginning with his very humble beginnings and on up through his first marriage and subsequent drug problem. Here's where I think the movie fell a little short. I realize that in this day and age, "drama" is the name of the game with nearly everything. The sensationalism of addictions, abuse, etc. is what sells books/movies/tv shows/family reunions... (well, maybe not that last one), and so producers feel the need to include and over emphasize problems of that nature. The unfortunate side of that is, sometimes it overshadows a better story. That is, to a certain degree, what happened in Walk the Line. I guess they felt that the drug abuse story would sell more tickets than the stories of him essentially giving the finger to some of the biggest corporate entities in the music industry throughout his career. Too bad, as I always found it very interesting that guys like Cash, Merle Haggard, and Waylon Jennings were way more "anti-establishment" than any rock or punk group ever was.

Don't get me wrong, it was a very good movie. The acting was incredible; most notably Reese Witherspoon in the role of June Carter (later Cash). As I said, apparently she did all her own stunts...er, singing, and I must say she did an amazing job. If I believed in award shows, I would say she deserves one. Joaquin Phoenix was pretty good as Cash, too. He was just out-shined by Witherspoon. The other highlight for me would be the scenes showing them out on the road, and the characters he was involved with. Cruising around with the likes of Jerry Lee Lewis and Roy Orbison had to make for some interesting times.

Summary - if you are even remotely a fan of Cash's music, it's definitely worth a rental (a little bit long, and a very abrupt ending. Just a warning). I could probably go off on a whole topic about Cash's music here, but I will keep this review to the movie, only. Worth seeing, but don't sell your kids into slavery for a copy.

Final note: As I said, I am a pretty big fan of Johnny Cash. If you are interested in his music at all, this is a good place to start.

Hard Quiz

http://www.keepmebusy.com/link.php?id=2013 - If you get anything less than perfect, go ahead and turn yourself into the authorities, as you shouldn't be allowed to live on your own in public.

Ha. Seriously though, it's actually pretty tough. It took three of us the better part of the morning to finish.

Most Obvious Headline of the Week

Man camping in train tunnel stuck and killed by train -

In other news; floods make things wet, famines make people hungry, and children sometimes disobey their parents. More earth shattering news as the stories break.

Iran Has Fun Conferences

Iranian University Holds "Holocaust Myth" Conference - Not to be out done by their leader, Isfahahahahanan University held a conference on whether or not the Holocaust was real, or a myth.

Alireza Soltanshahi, a representative of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
who heads the Presidential Office for the Study of the Palestinian Issue,
addressed the gathering, telling participants that, the Holocaust myth has
turned into an industry for the Zionists to gain money.

Other upcoming conferences to be held by the Iranians - "Jews: Can We Get Them To Nuke Us," "How to Secure The Imminent Destruction of Your Own Country" and the much anticipated "Leadership Development: How to Make Your Country Seem Crazier Than North Korea." I heard that Carrot Top is slated to perform at that last one. Should be a doozy.

Stupidest Idea of The Week So Far

Police Ready To Pull Over Good Drivers - Because they are looking for another reason for people to hate them?

The Travis County Sheriff's Department and the Round Rock Express minor-league
baseball team announced a program to reward good drivers with free Express
tickets.

Gee, wow, a free "Express ticket." Thanks. I guess.

Sheriff Greg Hamilton said his deputies will stop motorists just as they would
during a routine traffic stop. He acknowledged that some drivers are likely to
be upset before an explanation.

I would wager pretty good money that after that explanation most drivers be even more pissed off.

During "Drivers Safety Week," Travis County Motor and Traffic Units will be
rewarding motorists who they observe to be driving safely and courteously and
obeying the rules of the road. These individuals will be stopped by the officers
and presented with a "Be Our Guest" card good for two tickets to a Round Rock
Express home game, the team said.

Let's say this happens to me - You know what would be an even cooler reward for obeying traffic laws? If you would LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE and let me drive to where it is I need to go! For cryin' out loud... Oh, but what a great reward! Tickets to some craptastic minor league baseball game. So not only was my driving delayed, now I have to try and unload some tickets to a game with teams no one has even heard of. Super.

Unless part of the "reward" includes a couple of super-models and great big bags of cash, please don't stop me to tell me "good job." I know I'm doing a good job. That's why you aren't stopping me. Funny how that works, I know.

Oscar Crapola

I had planned on writing a long rant about "why I hate the Oscars and other award shows," but have effectively determined that it is WAY easier to rip off other people's stuff and just link it. Plus, it gives me more time to play with my Mexican office-worker sex doll.

For those of you that have never read anything by Ben Stein (yes, that Ben Stein), do yourself a favor and become acquainted with his work. His columns, as well as his book Can America Survive are outstanding works about the current world we live in. Here's a bit from his piece "Missed Tributes" on the Oscars:

No doubt the men and women who came to the Oscars in gowns that cost more
than an Army Sergeant makes in a year, in limousines with champagne in the back
seat, think they are working class heroes to attack America -- which has made it
all possible for them. They are not. They would be heroes if they said that
Moslem extremists are the worst threat to human decency since Hitler and Stalin.
But someone might yell at them or even attack them with a knife if they said
that, so they never will.

This one is a must read. Ben is one of the few people to ever be involved with Hollywood that can hold his own in any intellectual arena.

Thanks to Mrs. Wake-&-1/2 for the heads up on this article.

Best Headline of the Week So Far

Inflatable sex dolls to fight machismo - You mean, like in some kind of cage fight or something like that?

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Mexico is deploying an army of inflatable sex dolls
dressed as office executives in a head-turning publicity campaign against
workplace harassment of women in the famously macho country.
Timed to coincide with International Women's Day on Wednesday, the advertisements show sex dolls with staring eyes and gaping red mouths dressed in suits and sitting at computers.

They make suits for those things? Huh. I'll be darned...

Mexico's national institute for women said the ads -- which will run on
television, radio, print media and billboards from mid-March -- were aimed at
stirring up controversy and symbolized the use of women as sexual objects.

I'm having a little trouble understanding exactly how "sex dolls" shown sitting at a desk will make men treat women better. Unless of course their definition of "better" is to be tossed around like a, well, like a sex doll (for cryin' out loud, I'm having trouble coming up with a punch line here, people).

This last part is my favorite:

Mexican President Vicente Fox has headed a series of campaigns against sexism
and other discrimination in his five years in office.
However, he caused a
stir earlier this year when he made a joking reference to women as "washing
machines with two legs."

Geez, you mean people were actually upset by that? That's weird.