Ok, the last couple of weeks is a bit of a blur, sot this one is going to be quick and dirty.
When I left Iraq, I was having trouble sleeping due to nightmares involving bulldozers. It's a long story that will be recounted soon enough, but suffice to say for now that when one gets stuck in a marsh near the Tigris, it's not exactly an easy fix to get it out. The lesson to be learned here is to call for an extraction crew when it gets stuck, rather than after 3 unsuccessful hours of trying to extricate it. I mean, seriously, what's the worse that could happen if you call early for help? You get it out and tell them to not come? Whoa, that's crazy talk. And definitely not the Army Way. Instead, we turn what could be a good idea -- flame throwers and heavy equipment are mega-cool, right? -- and turn it into a 17 hour version of The Oscars: a lot of glamor, but no substance and poor execution. And way too few Sean Penns on fire. Have you ever used a flame thrower? I haven't either, and after seeing one in person, I am, to say the least, hugely disappointed. Perhaps my vision of another Sodom & Gomorrah was a little presumptuous...
But all is better now, because I am relaxing for my two weeks of leave on the warm, Sunshine Coast of Australia. It is a wonderful place where people talk all funny and don't know how to use a correct system of measurement to save their lives. Seriously, "liters of petrol." What the blarney... Get with the times, mates. And I'm about tired already of trying to cross a road on foot and nearly getting run over for not looking the "right way." I'll show you the right bloody way...
I do think, having seriously studied the idea, that the Army should grant me extra leave to study the effects of American Soldiers on....Australian.... girls. Yeah. That sounds right. I think an extra, say... 16 weeks should cover it? Call your Congressman. I think I've got something here.
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3 comments:
16 additional weeks with young Australian girls? At your age???
You better get a note from your doctor before we start that congressional campaign.
Eh, if the excitement hasn't strained his heart too much yet, he should make it.
I'm worried about the laughter though. Those poor girls may need some water to drink so they don't get the hiccups.
My congressman is a little busy right now, what with trying to figure out how to spend all of my money and all.
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