Did you know that being married is like being nibbled to death by a duck?

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Why Twisted International Will Be The Greatest Thing In The World (And change the way you live your life)

As mentioned in the previous post, Twisted Sense of Funny is going international and will see first-hand what this whole "Middle East" thing is all about. I, for one, am supremely excited to sit with my Toshiba atop a camel and blog about the intricacies of things like Sharia law, proper wear of a burka, and how to make that "lulululululululululululu" sound in my throat.

But why is this important to you, the reader? Let us count the ways, my friends.

  • Political. Eventually, Twisted Sense of Funny will become so huge that politicians will visit regularly to seek insight on not only international conflict, but how to better incorporate ninjas into movies, television, and our public educational system. You want to get in on the ground floor of something like that.
  • Social. At some point, you are going to be a hip party and some really hot girl/guy/hermaphrodite is going to say "oh, did you read Twisted's latest post? So intriguing and thought provoking, don't you think?" Do you want to be the complete tool, drooling in your drink and wondering what they are talking about? I don't think so.
  • Religious. People, I am going to be living in the center of where it all began. Cities where Abraham lived and homos were burned surround the area I will be operating in. So there's a pretty good chance I could get to the bottom of why Arabs don't like Jews. Do you want to miss out on that?
  • Cultural. Most of you have seen Arabs on television, but have you ever read a highly-biased blog from a white guy who likes to make fun of people who are different, writing about them? That's better than an Anthropology course at Cambridge, dude.
  • Economic. What is the biggest economic issue of our day? No, not the home ownership thing. No, not the job thing, either. OIL! Sheesh. And where am I going to be? Saudi Arabia! Oh wait...no, not there. Somewhere near there, though. So that's pretty important. I think.
  • Dramatic Entertainment. Will Ahmed finally tell wife # 4 that he loves her more than wife #2? Will he finally stone wife #5 to death for not giving him a son? Stay tuned to this blog, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to find out.

As you can see, it's not so much a matter of debate as to the importance of reading this blog over the next year; it's a vital part to the general make-up of you as a person. It is about how you will define yourself for years to come, and it is about how you will shape the world around you. Really. I'm not kidding. Just ask me, I'll tell you.


Blondie said...

Sh*t you've got me convinced! I will be waiting breathlessly for your insightful, thought-provoking, and might I dare say genius writings from the middle east. I am especially excited to hear your thoughts about incorporating ninjas into the educational system, because I feel that should have been done years ago!

Mr. Twisted said...

Ninja incorporation is vastly underrated, and from this point forward it shall be my goal for it to be taken more seriously.

Kell said...

Promise me you won't go anywhere without your present from Lance? I think that will really help your ability to do your job.