Did you know that being married is like being nibbled to death by a duck?

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Makes Sense

Girl Weds Stray Dog - Sounds good so far...

A girl was forced to marry a dog because her superstitious family thought her
teeth had brought them bad luck. Seven-year-old Shivam Munda was told to wed the stray after her upper teeth arrived before her lower teeth.

She's lucky that's all she had to do. So help me if any daughter of mine ever lets her upper teeth come in first...

Her father Kundan, a coal miner, said it was a bad omen and had brought an
"evil eye" on her and her family.

I remember getting the "evil eye" a few times when I was a kid. If only I had known that I could have averted all of that trouble by simply marrying the dog, my childhood would have been much less traumatic.

Pink is a Genius

Kudos to the artist Pink for making this video. The song itself is nothing to get too revved up about, but her brutal rip on the likes of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan is too funny not to link.

Monday, February 27, 2006

He's Just a Big Softie

Bin Laden 'likes hugs not kisses' - No, I didn't just make that headline up.

Australia's "Jihad Jack", convicted of receiving funds from al-Qaeda, says
Osama Bin Laden does not like being kissed but is happy to be hugged.

He also quoted bin Laden saying "I feel like, sometimes, like, there isn't, like, a lot of like, 'truth' out there, in like, you know like, most relationships these days. Some people are like, soo fake, ya know?" Ok, so maybe I made some of that part up. Slightly.

My favorite quote from Jihad Jack -

"I never really thought I'd be a Muslim," he told ABC. "I'd say, 'Oh look, you
know, I really love your religion but I really love my beer'."

Well, you do have to prioritize.

Thomas said an al-Qaeda operative, Khaled Bin Attash, told him Bin Laden
wanted a "white boy" to carry out terrorist attacks in Australia.
said Bin Attash told him there was $10,000 for anyone attempting a terrorist
strike there.

You wouldn't do it for $10,00? Geez, I can't imagine why not. Sounds like a great deal.

While accepting that he might be "naive and an idealist", Thomas added he would
never have wanted to hurt innocent people, The Age quoted him as saying.

Naive and idealistic? Surely you jest. This guy sounds totally on the level. And sober.

Da Vinci Code Nonsense

'Da Vinci Code' Author Accused in Copyright Suit - Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code best selling novel of grandiose crapola, finally ended up in court for it.

Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh, authors of "The Holy Blood and the Holy
Grail," sued Random House, which also published their book. Random House denies
the claim.
Baigent and Leigh claim Brown appropriated their ideas and themes
in writing his book, which has sold more than 25 million copies worldwide since
its 2003 publication.

This is humorous to me, because when I first heard the premise behind Da Vinci Code, I said "hey, that's exactly like what it says in Holy Blood, Holy Grail." I just always assumed he used that as a source and gave credit. Apparently not.

The ironic twist to this whole story (and why I link it) is the complete debunking of Holy Blood, Holy Grail by secular and non-secular historians alike. Essentially, as far as the historicity of it, the book holds about as much weight as most conspiracy theories - i.e. none. So basically, Brown not only plagiarized, but he did it from a book of total nonsense. And he became a millionaire doing it. Let this be a lesson to you kids out there.

For a more in-depth look at both books, check out this article. Fascinating topic that I would write more on if I wasn't so busy looking for my own book to steal from.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Oh Happy Day

Although I originally saw the commercials a couple of years ago on the web, not until today did I find out that there is an entire web site devoted to the genius known as "Trunk Monkey." If you haven't already seen the videos, do yourself a favor and watch a few of them.

Now if only my trunk monkey would get here. Apparently he's on back order.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

DVD Review: Domino

Supposedly based on the true story of one Domino Harvey, the movie Domino can be summed up by saying: Meh.

I would guess that the "based on a true story" tagline of this one comes from the fact that there was a girl named Domino, she was the daughter of a famous actor, and she became a bounty hunter. Past that, I'm guessing the producers took a few liberties. Like, say, the whole rest of the movie. I'm sitting here trying to come up with some redeeming qualities in the movie, but I am coming up pretty short. What's weird is that it's not that bad of a movie, it's just not that good, either. Unless you are a huge fan of Keira Knightley (which is not a bad thing), don't bother. Ultimately, it becomes one of those movies that never really decides if it is trying to be serious and realistic or not. Which essentially drives me nuts. One way or the other, dang- nabbit!

Incidentally, the real Domino Harvey died shortly before the release of this movie of a drug overdose. So it's a little tough to buy into the whole glamorization of her life. Which is weird, 'cause I figured bounty hunters were the epitome of class.

Friday, February 24, 2006

You Know "That" Guy

Every class you have ever taken has one. That one person who asks the most retarded questions imaginable, extending the time it takes to get through the material immeasurably. Yesterday, in my political science class, after the professor brought up the age discrimination act that prevents employers from discriminating against, well, age, this woman in the back of the class pipes up "well, the government is breaking their own rules because they don't let anyone in the military older than 35." Uhh, yeaaahhh.... I wish I could say this was the only time she said something like that, but the truth is, comments of these sorts come out of her mouth about every five minutes or so, painfully extending every lecture we are given.

At any rate, you've all had one of these people in numerous classes. Share an account of your most memorable one. Do it, or I will send Scientologists to each of your doorsteps and tell them that you are rich.

Totally Justifiable

Police: Man Angry About Slamming Door Killed Neighbor - I don't see a problem here.

Investigators believe Betty Shepperd was murdered over something that
sounds extremely trivial. They said 45-year-old Vito Loiacono was irritated that
Shepperd was slamming the door at night and waking him up.

Well I think it's high time someone finally stood up to one of these damn door-slammers. They have struck fear into the heart of our society for far too long, and people like this Vito fella are exactly what this country needs to stand up to them. Maybe now people will think twice before they slam a door again. I think there should probably even be some sort of waiting period enforced upon door-ownership. Possibly a background check to prevent habitual offenders from engaging in this despicable and disruptive activity. Bastards.

He's Smarter Than Me

New article by Victor Davis Hanson -

We are at a standoff of sorts, as we cannot yet stop the fear of the IED,
and they cannot halt the progress of democracy. The Americans are unsure whether
their own continued massive use of force — GPS bombings or artillery strikes —
will be wise in such a sensitive war of hearts and minds, and must be careful to
avoid increased casualties that will erode entirely an already attenuated base
of public support for remaining in Iraq at all. The terrorists are more
frustrated that, so far, they cannot inflict the sort of damage on the Americans
that will send them home or stop the political process entirely.

There's really nothing I can say here that he doesn't say better in the article. Make the time to read the whole thing. It will make you bigger, stronger, faster, and better looking. Seriously.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Was She Even A Spy?

Fitzgerald Refuses to Show Evidence That Valerie Wilson Was Classified - This is a question I (along with others) have been asking since this "scandal" broke; was Valerie Plame/Wilson actually a spy?

Was Valerie Wilson a secret CIA officer when her name appeared in Robert
Novak's famous July 14, 2003, column, and what damage did the exposure of her
identity do to national security? Fitzgerald has so far refused to provide any
evidence touching on either question, at times shifting his reasoning as Libby's
lawyers pressed their case.

This seems to be an issue that is completely ignored whenever this story comes up in the main-stream media. It is entirely possible (and looking quite likely) that Plame/Wilson was not even involved in the clandestine operations side of the CIA house. While "technically" everyone at the CIA is supposed to remain somewhat anonymous, there is a far cry from the level of secrecy needed by someone who works in the DO (Directorate of Operations, under which the Clandestine Operations/Officers fall), and someone who is in a scientific or analytical position. Most of the hype surrounding this story makes this out to be the outing of a covert spy, yet there has been absolutely no proof of that so far. Should be interesting to see where it goes from here.

Anti-War Concert

Lineup set for anti-war concert -

Among the performers scheduled to play March 20 are R.E.M. frontman Michael
Stipe, Bright Eyes, Rufus Wainwright, Fischerspooner, Public Enemy's Chuck D,
Devendra Banhart and Peaches, Billboard.com reported.

Notably absent from the lineup will be: 75th Ranger Regiment, 1st, 3rd, 5th, 7th & 10th Special Forces Groups; Navy DevGroup; AFSOC; and the entire 18th Airborne Corp. They seem to be all tied up with activities that aren't completely self-indulgent. And funniest thing, they're all absent by choice. Kind of ironic, isn't it.

Warrior Fitness

New Warrior Wire Newsletter is up - "No Excuses." For those of you not familiar with Ross Enamait and Warrior Fitness, I am a huge proponent of his style of physical conditioning. An excerpt:

One of the most common excuses for skipping workouts is a self-perceived
lack of time. Many individuals will simply skip a workout if they do not have a
large block of available time. One of the goals of this website is to destroy
many of the myths pertaining to fitness development. You do not need an hour of
training time to achieve a quality workout. You also do not need a state of the
art training facility. As the video above illustrates, you can achieve a quality
workout with little if any equipment.

If you are concerned about physical fitness at any level, and feel you either don't want to go to a gym or you just don't have the time, definitely check his stuff out. He has a workout on the page linked above that takes ten minutes, and is one of the most physically demanding things you could ever do to your body. Suffice to say, I will never pay for a gym membership again in my life, and I will be in far better shape and have much more time and money on my hands by following routines such as his. Again, I highly recommend his methodology. Good stuff.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Bode Miller Has Had One Too Many "Bode-Doobies"

Has anyone else seen these Nike Commercials featuring aspiring socialist Bode Miller? Unfortunately, I can't seem to find a link to one of them on the web, which means I can't quote the "exact wording," enabling me to make fun of it even further. So instead, I'll just make up some stuff. Which, from the looks of the commercial, is exactly what Bode did.

Essentially, Boodie's (yeah, I know, that's how I'm spelling it from here on out) philosophy centers around the idea that sports in this country have taken a wrong turn and led our children down a path of destruction by declaring things like "winners" and "losers." Horrific, I know. But wait, it gets better. He goes on to say how ironic it is that in society, people can be accepted for their different choices in lifestyle (e.g. if someone wanted to be a gay sheep-herder, say), but in sports, we can only accept people who are better than everyone else. Umm, Boodie? Sweetheart? That's what sports are all about, jackass. If we don't pick a winner, it seems kind of pointless, now doesn't it. Not so in Boodie's world, where apparently the sky is a much brighter, prettier color. According to him, we are paying the price in our society for leading our children to believe that winning is important. He's right, you know. We would all be much happier if all of the games we played ended in a tie. Remember the first game you watched or played in that ended in a tie? Remember how overjoyed you were? Yeah, that's how life should be. Everyone's a winner. And then we could all get together and eat plain white toast while listening to some Grateful Dead records. That would be swell.

The strangest part to me is that Nike has chosen to use this guy to represent them. Nike has had a pretty strong tradition over the last twenty or so years of using people that, well, go against pretty much everything Boodie says in his commercial. Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong... See a trend here? Yeah, they're all winners. They were all "better" than everyone else around them, multiple times. And they were recognized for that. Funny how that works.

It would be interesting to see if Boodie will give all the money he earned in his Nike advertising campaign to all the skiers who weren't good enough to get sponsored. After all, it's only fair.

Update: Chief editor of Twisted and ever lovely Kell pointed out that you can go here to watch some of Boodie's wisdom. Just go to the "barn" section (the website is a pain in butt). If you frequently spend your nights waxing philosophical about "the man" keeping you down and how following Phish is cool, but not the same as following the Dead, then a lot of what you will find on that site may make sense to you. If you are like the rest of us, however, it's just plain comical.

An Orgy of Olympic Hockey

To the complete and total surprise of absolutely no one, Team USA lost to Finland today in the men's quarter-finals of Olympic hockey. I had a chance to watch three out of the four games today, so I am kind of on hockey overload. The team I picked to win, the Czech Republic, beat Slovakia in one of the best games I've ever watched. Why did I not pick the US? Don't get me wrong, I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but when you include guys like Keith "don't get between me and my jelly donuts" Tkachuk on your team, it just spells doom right from the get-go. Seriously, that guy was an embarrassment with the way he acted back in the 1998 Olympics at Nagano, and he really hasn't done much since (besides eat. A lot), but they continue to indulge him by putting him on the team. Funniest thing, they benched him for the most part in the third period. Then, when they finally let him on the ice, he took a penalty, forcing the team to go shorthanded while trying desperately to mount a comeback. Whatever, I could totally coach a team to Olympic gold. By myself. While playing. And scoring a hat-trick. Every period. I just choose to go to college instead because, you know, a mind is a terrible thing. Or something.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Philosophical Wanking (Inspired by a Bunny Named Wanda)

I came across this piece I wrote a few months back. As I am just not in a very humorous mood, it just seems like the thing to do to share this:

There is an old African saying that, loosely translated, says “A person is a person, because of other people”. At first glance, this may seem obvious and quite contrite. If looked at with an open mind, however, one can see that there is much more to it.

We are not all created equally. We are not all capable of the same things that the person beside us is. We are in fact, quite different from one another in numerous ways. Yet it is these same differences that allow us to grow as a person; to grow in our knowledge of human understanding, and acceptance of why we are here.

What is our responsibility then? Is it to help others where they are weak and you are strong? This is part of it, but it goes a step further. We do not fully begin to grow as human beings until we realize our own weakness, and accept the fact that there are other people in our lives that can be relied upon to make up for those shortcomings. This is much easier said than done, as our ego tends to get in the way as we tell ourselves that we can handle all problems on our own. The greatest lies are ones that are believed by the one telling them.

Why do we deny others’ help? Is it a lack of trust for other human beings? Possibly, but I believe that an unwillingness to surrender our own ego is a more accurate definition of the problem. The very thought that we alone cannot handle a problem is a fear that drives many of us in our daily life. Each one of us sees ourselves as the complete human being; the one who can solve everyone else’s problems as well as our own. Unfortunately, this is a charade that many of us can carry on quite well, and most others are never the wiser. For those fitting into that mold, however, it is a lonely road to be traveled.

Does it have to be this way? Do those of us with the high walls of self-sufficiency need to wander from friend to friend, stopping only long enough to solve their problems and console their torn and ragged hearts before moving on? This is an unanswerable question, of course, as those who play this role can only answer it for themselves. They most likely know that there are others there to help, others who can bear some of the burden. But sometimes they need another soul, not unlike their own, to remind them that they are not alone; someone who understands them, not because they are trying to solve their problems, but because they are so much like themselves. It is when souls such as these collide that the light of understanding is sometimes shown directly on one or both of them.

The answers are neither simple nor complex, as the answers lie within each of us, only as long as we are humble enough to look for them. Can we be strong for others while surrendering our own selves? It is this balance that a relationship must hinge on. We are not complete, physically, mentally, or spiritually until we allow for growth inspired by others. And that growth may only be inspired by our own willingness to accept our weaknesses, and allow those who have come into our lives to strengthen us.

We are all here for the benefit of others. By not giving, we are being selfish; by not receiving, we are denying the world what could be.

Have a good one, back to the funny tomorrow.

Don't Mess With Canadian Kids and Their Hockey. Even If You Are a Polar Bear.

Bear crashes hockey game, mom saves kids - Hey, guess what mister polar bear, Canadians take their hockey seriously, eh. So take off, you hoser.

I remember when my mom used to fight off polar bears to defend me. Ahh, the good ol' days.

Monday, February 20, 2006

President's Day

FOXNews has an interesting compilation of letters based on the question "If You Could Be Any President, what would you change?" I get a kick out of some of the responses.

"I never would have allowed Africans to be brought over to become slaves." —
Diann (Montana)

No foolin'? Great idea, too bad it started before we ever had a president.

I suppose my answer to this question would be to be President during the Bill Clinton years and take care of the whole bin Laden issue back then. I am curious to read more input from all of you on this.

Family Guy is The Coolest Show on TV

If you don't watch the show, this clip might not be quite as funny. But if you do, it's classic.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Best/Worst Book to Movie Transition

I'll start this off with a couple of my own:

Best - Although it's kind of cheating (since it was technically a mini-series), Band of Brothers ranks up there as one of the best movies from a book. Granted, it took ten hours worth of footage to do it, but they did an incredible job of putting that on screen and not leaving anything out.
Honorable mention - Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. In all honesty, it's probably the only movie I've ever seen that came from a book where you actually need to see the movie to understand some of what is going on, as well as vice versa.

Worst - I made it all the way through the abomination known as Syrianna before I found out that it was supposed to be a film adaptation of the book See No Evil by Robert Baer. I read that book not more than six months before seeing the movie, and had absolutely no idea they were connected until the credits rolled. The book was an excellent series of adventures experienced by the author in his twenty-plus year CIA career. The movie was... George Clooney wanking.
Honorable mention - Anything by Michael Crichton. I really enjoy his books, but his movies just plain suck (with the possible exception of Jurassic Park). They always completely miss the cool factor of his books, which is usually some kind of revolutionary technological gizmo or invention. While the movies end up being Demi Moore in a bra trying to rape Michael Douglas. Riiiight.

Your thoughts are not only needed, but necessary if you are to avoid being killed by a Ninja.

Bringing the Funny With a Heavy Dose

For those of you that have never read "Fashion SWAT" at Something Awful, you are in for a serious treat. This one is all about obscure comic book characters, and is quite possibly one of the funniest things I've ever read. If I were as creative as these guys, I would, I dunno... be making money at this, maybe? Instead, I just steal from them and give it to you. Try to read as many pages as you can before your eyes swell shut from tears of laughter. Enjoy.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Is it Just Me, Or....

...do the Olympics really suck? I was watching for a little bit this evening, and it occurred to me that some of the events featured I have a hard time even considering a "sport".

Think about it, does figure skating really qualify as a sport? Sure, it's extremely difficult and requires a lot of hard work, dedication, and tremendous skill. But so does playing the piano or doing ballet. I don't see those in the Olympics. And why not? Because those are mediums of expression that require far too much artistic interpretation, and thus can only be judged as such. So how is figure skating different? In my eyes, it's not. Does this mean you shouldn't take pleasure in watching it? No, this has nothing to do with one's enjoyment of being a spectator. This has to do with the skewed view that people have of competition of any kind.

When multiple skiers race down the same mountain course with the similar equipment to see who can net the fastest time, a clear cut winner is, for the most part, quite obvious. The winner is the competitor who made it across the finish line first while obeying all the rules. With figure skating, apparently the judges must take into account not only how hard a particular move is, but also how flamboyantly gay the skater dresses as well as how overly dramatic they act while they engage in their "performance" (crying at the end I think nets huge points). You know what? I don't care. This may be an enjoyable event for many people to watch, but guess what? It's all based on artistic expression. They might as well add ballet and Vegas style lap dancing to the Olympics, because that's about how much sense there is in having figure skating as part of the games.

In essence, I think figure skaters are incredibly talented. However, I am bitter because they receive far more coverage than hockey, effectively making them my enemy. Enough ranting for now, I'm going to Cirque de Soleil.

Ninjas Are Sweet

Ever wanted to know where a Ninja got his black uniform? Don't make the mistake of thinking it's at some sort of "Ninja-Mart". Find out the answer to this question and many more at Ask A Ninja. Just click on the question for a video of the answers you have been seeking your whole life.

And yes, Santa Clause was apparently one of the greatest Ninjas of all time.

Thanks to Mr. Wakeandahalf for the link to a site that will keep me entertained for a long time.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Willie Nelson Wants His Back Broke

Willie Nelson Releases Gay Cowboy Song - Willie is stirring it up by singing a tune about cowboy lovin' called "Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)".

I think the fact that this is news implies that some people think Willie is sober enough to understand the fundamental differences between "gay" and "straight." Which, of course, is an idea that is so preposterous Willie himself would get a chuckle and probably light up a doobie as a salute to those who thought of it. A much more likely explanation is that the man has no idea what song he just sang, nor what ever the hell all this nonsense about gay cowboys is.

Plus, it makes me sleep better at night thinking of him as a stoned out old hippy, rather than anything to do with sex. At all.

The "Other" Big Story

ABC's show Nightline is apparently set to air a segment tonight about tapes of Saddam Hussein discussing his weapons of mass destruction plans.

Should be interesting to find out more on this. An Intriguing point brought up by Dave at Garfield Ridge - perhaps Saddam thought he had WMD's because that's what his scientists were telling him. Crazed, homicidal dictators have a knack for surrounding themselves with "yes-men". Or at least men who will say whatever it takes to avoid getting their arms chopped off.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Totally Redeeming Myself

After multiple posts featuring pictures of David Hasselhof and an article about gay men in Hollywood, it's high time that I restore balance to the universe with a link to the 2006 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Spokesmodel for Twistedsenseoffunny Marisa Miller (pictured right), took time away from her busy schedule of promoting my site to do a few pics for SI. And apparently she found time to hit the gym a few times. What a trooper.

It's also good to see that Czech native Petra Nemcova has healed from her Tsunami injuries, and looking well, I might add.

The world of sports owes a debt of gratitude to these fine young ladies. Why, I'm not exactly sure. But it seems right.

Smoothing Things Over

My buddy Jonathan did a clever job of hi-jacking the last comment section, so I thought I would appease him by posting another photo of his hero. This is for you, good buddy. I know it's not as cool as your Knight Rider DVD collection, but I'm sure you can save this and use it as your desk top.

The next post up will be for all the rest of us.

Van Halen Fan No More

I hereby renounce my admiration for the band Van Halen due to this ridiculous behavior. Give it up, guys. It's over. Why don't they just stop, already? Because their egos need even more food?

Hat tip to the lovely Jen at Demure Thoughts for the link.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Actors are Stupid (Part 1,437)

Hollywood 'resists gay US actors' - Uhhh, yeah. Sure.

Sir Ian McKellen has said openly gay US actors are prevented from having
successful Hollywood careers.
"It is very, very, very difficult for an American actor who wants a film career to be open about his sexuality," the gay British actor said.

Did I just read that right? Sir Ian McKellen, gay, said gays can't be gay in the gayest place in America. Sure, you betcha.

His career in mainstream films "really took off once I'd come out and said I was
gay", he said.

But he just said.... What about.... Did I miss something?

Let's take a quick look at the last few films Mr. McKellen has been oppressed into starring in:
X-Men, X2, and the little known Lord of the Rings trilogy. Each one of those films has made over a hundred million dollars, with each of the trilogy making over three hundred million. Keep in mind, these are only five of the movies he has been in, as there are many more.

Gee, oppression really sucks, eh? I wish I were discriminated against like that.

Coolest Headline of the Week

Woman charged with smuggling human head -

Uhh, you mean we're supposed to declare those?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

SHOT Show Blogging

I have been attending the 2006 SHOT Show this weekend, and I must say... wow. I have never seen anything quite like it. For those out there that think the gun industry is somewhat "smallish", think again. I have spent about a day and a half walking through the Las Vegas convention center, and I still have yet to see everything. Imagine about 15 super Wal-Marts all together, and that's about how big this is. All guns, gun manufacturers, police and military equipment, etc. Simply stunning, the amount of stuff there. Including Ted Nugent, who, upon seeing, I promptly ran up to, kicked in the nuts and said "'Strangle Hold' was a stupid song and I'm sick of hearing it on the classic rock station every time I turn it on!" Ha. Seriously though, he seemed like a pretty good guy. R. Lee Ermey was also there, signing autographs at the Glock booth. By the way, he looks really, really old in person. Much older than the girl I saw walking by wearing underwear and, uhh, chaps. I must not have received the memo on proper SHOT Show attire, and thus, was obviously out of uniform.

Overall, a very impressive amount of technology for any gun enthusiast on display. As this was a dealer only convention (I was there supporting Rocky Mountain 3 gun), there were no curmudgeonly old men trying to pawn off some old relic that Billy the Kid's friend's nephew's cousin once shot. Mostly all high-tech stuff. And Ted Nugent. I guess I should go back today and apologize to Mr. Wango Tango.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Comedy: Thy Name is "Hof"

It was my intent to create another post for the weekend that would provide another venue for a lot of comments such as "worst movie ever", but then I came across this photo. My sense of funny is on overload after staring at this picture. Seriously, there is a lot going on there, but every time I try to type something about it, it's like my system shuts down due to all the possibilities.

I have faith that the loyal Twisted readers can come up with some brilliant commentary.

Now For Some "Real" News

Stiletto workout: part of the heeling process - A new workout trend, which I can only hope is sweeping the nation, helps women build their "stiletto strength". And by golly, it's about time. Nothing turns me off more than a woman who doesn't have the endurance to wear 6 inch heels for a few hours at a time.

At a recent lunch-time session at Crunch gym near Times Square, dancer Amber Efe
demonstrated how to strut like a cat-walk model.

Huh. Wonder what kind of "dancer" Amber is.

"Imagine you're at the bar, raise one hand high like you're holding your drink,"
she told the class, music pounding as she acted the part of a club-goer working
through a crowd.
"Don't spill the drink," she told the group, a mix of women
who clearly had plenty of experience and others still tottering on shoes that
didn't show much wear.

Of course, you all realize that these women are paying money, good money, to "learn" this amazing skill that there is absolutely no way they could learn on their own.

Hmm, I see a gold mine of opportunity here in Vegas...

Iraq News

Mudville Gazette has a round-up of recent Iraq news from a lot of MilBlogs and other places.

There's a lot of articles linked, but definately a few worth reading.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Athletes are sometimes Dumb

Gretzky knew about gambling ring: This whole thing about Gretzky really puzzles me. The biggest question is; why? The man is worth a fortune, so obviously they are not gambling to get rich. And, funniest thing, there is this wild, crazy (but largely unkown by most) place called "Las Vegas" where things like say, gambling, for instance, are actually legal. So why would you choose to run illegal bets through someone in New Jersey? It is absolutely mystifying. It was pretty widely known that ol' Air Jordan had quite the penchant for gambling, but the man at least had sense enough to do it legally.

I hope, if for no other reason than the sake of hockey, that this turns out to be not as bad as it seems right now. Gretzky has always been one of those guys that you can look at and say "yeah, it's possible to be ridiculously talented, monstrously successful, and still be a nice, humble guy." These types of happenings do tend to somewhat "tarnish" a reputation like that.

And won't someone please think of the children?!?!? I mean, ya know, just 'cause.

Hillary! Is Under a Lot of Stress

Hillary! Clinton blasts Bush on War - In a speech earlier this week, the junior senator from New York had this tid bit of wisdom to share:

"You cannot explain to me why we have not captured or killed the tallest
man in Afghanistan," she said.

Is she serious? This makes me wonder, does she crawl in bed every night next to Bill and say things like "boy, I sure wish you had taken care of that bin Laden fella when you had the chance. You really screwed the pooch on that deal." Then Bill, throwing his arms up in disgust would probably go "Oh here we go again with the whole 'I'm a doofus because I didn't take care of bin Laden' argument again." Then she would get all mad and make him sleep on the couch after throwing a flower vase at him and telling him not to "take that tone" with her. After all, she had a hard day at the office and it sure would be nice to come home to some kind of support once in a while, instead of just hearing how many pork rinds he was able to consume during an episode of The Dukes of Hazzard.

Yup, life at the Clinton residence must be a real peach.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Comparative Religion

Dave at Garfield Ridge has an interesting post about the dedication of mainstream Christianity as compared to that of Muslims.

"Yes, many of us believe in a higher power, and many believe in Jesus
Christ, and many even pray each day. But who among us would think that
blasphemy or heresy still deserves punishment? The bottom line is,
what once could get you ostracized or even killed in the West won't even
get you condemned nowadays-- worse, it may even get you praised. Even
accounting for the more literal interpretation of Islam, that sort of
laissez-faire attitude towards belief does not exist in the Islamic
world (at least not for non-Muslims-- obviously, all sorts of hypocrisy
exists within the Islamic world)."

This is something I have thought about for years, and have a tendency to agree with him. By and large, on outward appearance, that is, it seems as though followers of Islam (generally speaking) are much more devout than most people in the west who claim the title of "Christian". But is it just outward appearance? After all, Christians do not believe in blowing themselves up and taking innocent lives with them as being a moral and just thing to do. Therefore, an Islamic act of martyrdom is much more fanciful than anything a Christian will probably ever act out as a display of religious devotion. This makes it difficult to compare the two, in terms of "dedication". Perhaps these acts of martyrdom are nothing more than the delusional results of brainwashing, and really show nothing in terms of how well they practice their religion. This of course is not to say that "suicide bombing" is the only way they act upon their belief, just the most noticeable.

Part of me, however, has a hard time accepting that just because they pray in the open five times a day and burn down buildings because one of their prophets was desecrated that they are somehow more religious than those of us in the West. Every religion has different ways of expressing itself according to it's own dogma, and to compare them based on outward appearances becomes increasingly difficult the more time one spends on the subject.

At any rate, I will leave it at that for now, as I encourage you to read his whole post and share your thoughts. This is a topic that I'm sure will be visited upon many times here.

Villain in the Making

Tiny ice hotel opens in remote Romanian mountains - The only things left unclear after reading this article are A) What diabolical plan he has for taking over the world (and what technological gizmo he will use to act out said plan), and B) What super-hero/action star he was slighted by earlier in life and is planning on exacting his revenge upon while undertaking this task.
Of course we all know that his plans will fail (at the last minute of course) due to the aforementioned hero figure escaping near death and, of course, rescuing a beautiful woman and/or small orphan during his heroic display of fighting skills and throwing the villain into a helicopter blade/pit of alligators/shark tank/wood chipper/molten lava volcano/room with Rosie O'Donnell.

I mean, c'mon, no one builds an ice hotel without having aspirations of becoming a world class bad guy. I've seen this too many times, I know how it works out.

Nearing the End?

I'm going to have to look up the exact reference, but mark my words, this is a sign of an impending apocalypse.

Needless to say, I'm headed for the hills. Or the Copacabana. Whichever I run into first.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Change of Plans

I had a long post almost finished for tonight, but a couple of phone conversations put my head in a completely different place than it was when I started it, so it will have to wait for another time.

For now, I leave you with this.

Shoot 'em in the toodles, granny.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Learning Should Be Fun

Losing Your Virginity 101 - A teacher in Lexington, Kentucky apparently showed his Spanish class the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin instead of, say, teaching Spanish. You all might be asking "what does a movie like that have to do with Spanish?" Well, I remember in my high school government class when our teacher had us watch Marked for Death, and I can not express in words what kind of impact that had on me. To this very day, the terms "bi-cameral legislation" and "Constitutional amendments" are quite literally synonymous with "Steven Seagal". When I see that fat man with a pony tail breaking someone's arm, it helps me remember what a great country we live in.

So next time you're so quick to judge Hollywood's relevance, maybe you should just think again. And then you should go rent some action movies with over-weight, egotistical, wanna-be bad asses. 'Cause that's what learning is all about.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Book Review: On Killing

On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning To Kill in Combat. By Lt. Col. Dave Grossman - This is a book that was recommended to me by my friend Jason over a year ago, and my only regret about reading it is that I didn't take his advice and read it sooner.
Undertaking a topic that has really never been covered in any great detail before, Lt. Col. Grossman goes in depth with a subject that I, along with most people, know very little about - the psychology of killing (and more specifically, the killing done by soldiers on the battle field). Drawing from extensive interviews as well as mountains of researchable data, Grossman dispels a lot of the myth that many of us have regarding the subject of killing, most of which has come from the Hollywood portrayal of such acts. Make no mistake, this is not a "how to" manual, but rather an in depth look at how adverse an action it is for a normal human being to take the life of another. It is simply not a normal thing to do, and the fact is, that most simply can not do it without the proper conditioning. The idea that soldiers can somehow march into battle and randomly kill with impunity is one that only exists on the big screen, as the author points out the immense psychological trauma endured by even the most hardened combat veterans.
Before reading On Killing, my view of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome) was, admittedly, quite jaded. I saw it as veterans who just didn't want to face reality anymore, and that was their way out. My present view has, however, taken a 180 degree turn from that attitude. To read the interviews with WWII veterans who literally break down and cry some sixty years later at the very thought of a life that they took is humbling to say the least.
Our ideas of men in the Civil War, WWI, or WWII facing each other and mowing each other down in bloody combat is, to say the least, fantasy. As the author points out, only one man in five during WWII were actually willing to fire their weapon in combat. His prediction for Civil War era numbers are even lower. Keep in mind that these are infantrymen who are actually engaged in battle.
There is a large portion of the book dealing solely with the Vietnam War, and it's affect on service members. More specifically, how it was different than any other war, before or since, in how the people involved were affected psychologically speaking. If you were from that era, the author points out ideas that, while they may seem obvious upon reading, you may never have considered otherwise. I had discounted much of the talk regarding the mistreatment and negative psychological effects endured by many Vietnam vets before reading this book. Again, my thoughts and opinions have radically changed regarding this subject.
Grossman also spends a portion of the book discussing how modern media and video games are conditioning our children to kill. Although I am not totally sold on his theories, I must say that I at least have a new point of view. His relating of operant conditioning and behavioral conditioning to what is seen on the TV is an interesting concept. While I don't subscribe to it completely, I will say that his argument has some serious value and should be considered by anyone raising children.
There is simply far too much detail to cover in a review here. Suffice to say, this is a must read. Especially if you are in the military, but also if you are related to, or care about someone who is. And even if you are not, it is still a fascinating look into a subject that is very rarely (if ever) discussed in a serious, scholarly manor.
Grossman, a former Airborne Infantry and Ranger qualified officer and enlisted soldier, is now a psychology professor at West Point, as well as touring the country speaking on this very subject. It is a very well written, and easily accessible piece of literature that I highly recommend. Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy. You will not regret it.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Worst. Movie. Ever.

Although I saw this same post a couple of weeks ago on another site, I wanted your opinions, thoughts, and rants about the worst movie you ever saw. And it should be somewhat of a major release. I don't want to hear how bad you thought Chicks in Prison 4 was ('cause it was WAY better than #'s 5 & 6, let me tell you). And I want to hear about the one's that made you feel as if a part of your life was stolen. Example - The Blair Witch Project murdered part of my life forever. I will never get it back, and the best I can do is warn others of the potential psychological harm that will be visited upon you should you choose to watch such drivel.

More than one choice is not only acceptable, it is requested and will be rewarded with fortune and glory.

Cartoon Brouhaha

Muslim anger over cartoons hits Danish companies - I felt the need to say something about the recent publication of cartoon drawings poking fun at Mohammed (considered a prophet by the people of Islam), and that is this: Regardless of your beliefs, I am against "making fun" of your religion. This is not to say that I will not debate a particular belief system (and readily enjoy doing so, especially fraudulent ones like Scientology), but I make a concerted effort not to deface or slander one's belief structure without just cause, and certainly not just for the sake of a laugh (with a strong exception being the South Park episode linked on the Scientology site above. Sad part is, it's all true).

Having said that, although I think it was pretty ignorant behavior on behalf of the newspaper editors that published these cartoons, I also think rioting in the streets as protest is pretty weak. When people deface the image of Christ in a sacrilegious way, you're not going to see me setting fire to random structures that may or may not be owned by those who were disrespectful. The term "lighten up" could be appropriately used here. I don't blame people for wanting to defend their belief system. Quite the contrary, I just think there are better ways of going about it. Like playing Dodgeball.

As always, comments and ideas are welcomed.

News Flash

US and S.Korea can defeat North: US general - You don't say... I'm surprised, aren't you? Seriously, is there anyone besides Kim Jong Il who thinks that North Korea would stand a chance? Ok, rule out the current president of Iran Mahmoud "Hitler had some good ideas" Ahmanedijad, too. But other than that, anyone? Although, as this video clip shows, Kim Jong Il is a beast of a negotiator. Don't mess with him.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Friday Funnies

Greg Bruns has the Friday funnies up here. If you don't have time to watch them all, be sure to check out "Town Hall Meeting About Iraq" and "Sexual Harassment. SNL Style". Well worth your time.

Don't be unattractive.

Let Down

Arctic Monkeys take to the stage as Web hype swirls - I'm going to save all of you a lot of disappointment by telling you right now not to bother reading any articles that have something about "Arctic Monkeys" in the title. No, there is no new race of monkeys that are somehow able to not only survive in the frigid temperatures of the Arctic, but also have their own web site and sing their own songs (as I have been hoping for ever since they cancelled BJ and the Bear). I know, I was severely let down, as well. Imagine how much more upset I was when I found out that this is some British band hailed as the next Oasis. So what? Oasis sucked the first time around, and they sure as hell weren't monkeys of any kind. I hate it when headlines mislead us like this.

Ready for the Big Game

Well, at least we know which quarterback would win in a drinking contest. While the second picture shows how dedicated he is to his fans, the last one shows the face of determination, as well as that of a true champion. Go get 'em, Ben.

News From the Front

Facts vs. Fiction: A Report from the Front - A very interesting look at some of the perceptions people have about what is going on in Iraq from someone who has spent an extensive amount of time there. Read the whole thing if you have time, but here's a small snippet:

Accepting the possibility of being hurt is a part of security work. It's easy to
overlook the reality that 800 public safety officers have been killed in the
line of duty right here on our own home shores since the beginning of the Iraq
war. This summer, the U.S. general in charge of our National Guard put his Iraq
casualties in some perspective: "I lose, unfortunately, more people through
private automobile accidents and motorcycle accidents over the same period of

There's a lot of us that have been saying the same thing for quite a while. It's just nice to see it echoed.

Plus, there's no large buildings to jump off of there.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

He Got Kicked

Yeah, but where did he get kicked, little man?


Stupid People Intrigue Me

Man in Pokey After Reporting Purloined Pot - Yeah, I know the headline is cool, but wait, there's more:

Tippetts had called police on Monday evening after he returned home and found
that someone had broken a window, got cut on the glass, and crawled into the
house. Tippetts told police the only thing missing was the quarter-pound of
marijuana he was selling.

Uhh, sure... You know what really intrigues me here is the actual thought process that must have occurred to allow this to happen - Son of a... someone jacked my weed, man! This is bogus. I was gonna sell that stuff and by an Xbox 360 with the money. Now what am I going to do, man... I know, I'll call the cops on that bastard. That'll show 'em! Yeah, coooool. Now where is that phone...

I weep for humanity.