Did you know that being married is like being nibbled to death by a duck?

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Hay, Weak Trailers, Fencing and Midget Ninjas

As mentioned before, once the job in Oakland was done I headed back home and out to do some more ranchin', by gum.

The first order of business was getting hay for the winter. I'm going to say right here and now that getting hay is not the most fun job in the world. In fact, I would probably rank it pretty low. Worse than carrying a ruck sack up a mountain in Utah? Well let's not get crazy... The job began by heading down to the thriving metropolis of Boone, Colorado. Never heard of it? What the hell is wrong with you? They have a mall and everything. So says the cowboy that hauled the hay, "shoot, it's got one... two... two stores. That's a mall!" Dang skippy it is, Red. Anyhoo, after picking him up we drove to La Junta (it's a soft "J") and met up with a real old-fashioned cowboy who still loads hay out of a field by using draft horses and a wagon. I would tell you his name, but you wouldn't believe me (or the one you have thought of is probably correct), and I would tell you what he looked like, but the image you've already pictured in your mind is most likely an exact description (complete with snow-white handle bar mustache). Then I could tell you how he talked, but... well, ya know.

We backed the trailer up next to the wagon (which already had a load on it), and jumped up on the trailer to begin loading. Unbeknownst to me, however, was the "weak spot" in the trailer. Apparently there was a conversation taking place in secret regarding the spot about five seconds before I fell through it and made a hole the size of your favorite ex-Army blogger. I remember the phrase "Oh crap, we've only been here two minutes and we're already down a man!" being uttered, but I carried on. The mission is all that matters, roger?

After many, many more loads of hay, we finally finished the job of getting it all loaded up in a barn. I didn't feel too bad when it was done, 'cause everyone else was pretty much sick of it too. Considering I'm just a "city kid" I didn't do all that bad. Heh. Lucky for us we finished when we did, as the next night we got nailed with a pretty heavy thunderstorm, shutting down the power for several hours. We had been sitting and talking for an hour or so when around the corner came this:

I don't know how many midget-ninjas (minja, for short) wearing yellow Sponge-Bob Square Pants goggles you have run into, but rest assured, it's a pretty scary event. I did my best to take care of the problem but as you can see here, I didn't fare too well:

To say that I was humbled and "shown who was boss" would be the understatement of the century. My weak skills are certainly no match for the power of the 9-year old minja.
And so the story continues now with me being back in Texas doing the incredibly strenuous job of taking illegal aliens back to their country of origin. But things could get pretty interesting in the next few days, as there is a major hurricane headed in our direction. With any luck I could end up in a Katrina-esque situation cracking skulls and looting some television sets. Why? 'Cause the man is keeping me down, yo! So stay tuned for some possible exciting commentary on that action. Word to your mother.
(Oh yeah, and the date on the post is about ten days old, as that is when I started writing it. If you care. Which you don't. So I'll just go eat some worms. Non-carerers!!!)


Cane Assassinator said...

During your looting, pick me up an Ipod, will ya? Maybe a crome one with diamond accents.

Mrs. Wakeandahalf said...

Minjas rule!! The dog preparing to gnaw your vanquished corpse is a nice touch, too.

Since you're taking orders for looting, I want a big screen TV. I don't need it or anything, I just want to see you on the news trying to lug a big screen around.

Jonathan Scott said...

Wow- what a life. Cowboy by day, G man by night. Great article. The minja is definitely the highlight. Especially the pic of the minja choking you out while using his spongebob x-ray vision.

Kell said...

Post something Slacker