Did you know that being married is like being nibbled to death by a duck?

Saturday, September 26, 2009

What Is Off Limits: A Retort

I stumbled upon this article by Rich Santos today and realized about 30 seconds in to reading it that A) the guy is an idiot and B) I would like to punch him in the face. But I can't 'cause I've never met him so instead I will just write a blog about how much better I am than him.

First of all, Rich -- or can I call you Dick? -- is obviously what we would call "Testosterone Challenged." His lack of male hormonal production therefore inhibits his ability to think clearly and rationally, making it difficult for him to, well, to not suck so bad.

I would say his article starts off on a bad foot, but that would imply that this guy can even take a step on his own without fear of offending someone.

Some work friends and I were recently discussing things that men
can not criticize their girlfriends about. It was astounding how incorrect us
guys were when trying to lay out our "rights" in terms of constructive
Good job, Dick. You managed to completely emasculate yourself within the first two sentences of your article. Next article you write I would also encourage you to apologize to everyone of different races for being white.

He then proceeds to make a "list" of all the things that are supposedly "off limits" to talk about with girlfriends. Which I'm guessing Dick has never had, so in his world this is all hypothetical, anyway.

Weight: There is no friendly way for a guy to tell a girl that she's put on
weight. Even if there was a friendly way, most of the women I've talked to about
it said they would not want to hear it from a guy.

Most of the time, there is no friendly way to karate-chop people in the throat for being stupid, but sometimes it has to be done, right?

Outfit: I think I'm only allowed to say someone generally looks nice,
because I'm a big sissy and only do what I'm "allowed" to do.

Dude, do you wear a leather mask and get chained up at home? Are you allowed to speak unless spoken to? Go dunk your head in a tub of water until you see the wizard.

Friends and Family: We've all dated people with annoying friends. But,
people consider their friends as extensions of themselves so if you criticize
friends, you're criticizing your significant other indirectly.

You know what's a great way to go through life? Let annoying and rude people continue on with their habits, let them walk all over you, and then apologize to them for getting in their way. That way they will like you and respect you more. And you will be able to run for President.

Then he goes on to write some stuff about driving, blah blah blah... Look, the simple fact is that this guy is sadly indicative of the common modern man -- this belief that we can't "offend" women or...fill in the blank with whatever group you want permeates the thoughts of a good portion of our society. People like this guy are bending over backwards every minute of every day of their lives so that no one will be mad at them. The idea of confrontation scares them so bad that the alternative -- placating everyone in sight who isn't a white male -- seems to be a wise and logical life choice.

Here's a tip for people like Rich Santos: grow a pair. Stop worrying about how much you are offending people if all you're doing is telling the truth. And for the people who get offended at hearing the truth? Get some thicker skin and stop whining. Yes, there is a difference between criticism and people being mean. That's where this thing called your brain comes in; if you have an IQ higher than that of a shoe-box, you should be able to tell the difference.

We worry far too much about offending people. I think it's time to turn the tables on people like Rich; they need to worry about people like me slapping them in the face with a cold, hard dose of reality when I come across them. There is no such thing as "off limits" when discussing the truth. There is a time and a place for everything if it is done correctly. And if you aren't afraid of your own shadow like Mr. Apologize-for-being-alive-guy.

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