Did you know that being married is like being nibbled to death by a duck?

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Ninjas are a Serious Problem

ATF rids University of ninja threat - Hey, c'mon guys, you know as well as I do that ninjas are, like, the third leading cause of death among, well, living people. Right behind corporations and Ford Pintos.

ATF agents are always on alert for anything suspicious — including
ninjas.

Jeremiah Ransom, a sophomore from Macon, was leaving a Wesley Foundation
pirate vs. ninja event when he was detained.

A pirate vs. ninja event?!?! And how, may I ask, might one be invited to an event of such grandiose display of utter coolness? Man, I gotta tell you, those guys must be hard core. Way more so than those stupid Dungeons & Dragons weenies. That stuff is so totally fake compared to ninjas. And Pirates!

To be honest, the story kind of falls apart after that last quote. But then again, how could it not? Let's face it, it's pretty hard to top ninjas. And Pirates!

20 comments:

Kell said...

We missed you at the party. It was a blast. Your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail... darn it!

Mr. Twisted said...

I see how you are. Just don't be surprised when you get left out of the greatest gathering of ninjas and pirates this world has ever seen. Which will happen as soon as mom lets me use the basement. SO THERE!

Kell said...

Seriously.... if you leave me out... you CAN'T call it the greatest gathering of ninjas and pirates the world has ever seen.... Since I am.... (shhhh... the following is SO top secret...) THE world's greatest ninja...

You could only call it: "The Greatest Gathering of Pirates The World Has Ever Seen and some ninjas we happened to invite"

your call.

Mr. Twisted said...

You've already proven that you aren't the greatest ninja, because the greatest ninja would never say they are the greatest. It's one of those paradox thingy-majigs.

We'll see what the great el Jeffe has to say about all of this. 'Cause if we can't use my mom's basement for "The Gathering" you can bet we'll use his mom's. And she don't mess around, let me tell you. She'll let us stay up as late as we want and eat as many Chocodiles as we want, too.

Jason Evans said...

I'm surprised "the boys" didn't get all kitted up and execute a raid of the guys dorm room.

Kell said...

Twist, you are just jealous. Ever since I pointed out to you that just because you own black footie pajamas does not mean you are a ninja like me, you have been giving me grief for no reason. You are not a ninja; I hate to have to keep telling you that... Let alone the world's greatest.

I personally wouldn't call myself that, but that is what they put on my business cards....

El Jeffe said...

wow... WOW.

Where to start... umm Kell, you got served by Twisted's logic about announcing yourself as a ninja. Dead giveaway to your severe lack of ninja-osity.

As for the ninja vs. pirates party... obvious lie. Why, you ask? Oh let me tell you. Firstly- such an event could never happen. Any simpleton knows such a Gathering (nice term, teammate) would create a rift in the time/space continuum, and a gateway to an alternate reality would result, unleasing unspeakable horrors. A world without chocodiles or tin foil mind protection helmets.
Plus that gomer was so obviously a Fred Durst (ZING!). HE WAS WEARING BANDANAS FOR CRYING IN THE NIGHT! What? Am I to believe he's some sort of cowboy ninja? Ludicrous, I tell you.

Kind of convenient those "ATF" boys were in the area. Maybe this is all a cover up for the Dirty Hippy convention they were all attending. Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms? More likely Absence-of-showering, Tie-dyes and Filthy flip-flops.

Mr. Twisted said...

To say anything other than "bravo" after that comment would be to take away from the genius of it. Good show, my friend.

Kell said...

snifF-sniff... can’t believe how mean yoU both are. i am just a girl. and you... are piCKing on me. You are bOth ganging Up on me and that is just not nice. BefOre I read this lasT comment, I was Having such a great day and then… sniff-sniff. , LOVE YA

Mr. Twisted said...

I had no idea that upsetting someone so much would result in such a random abuse of capital letters.

~E said...

I started picking out the caps to see if she was sending a 'subliminal message'.

Miss Ginny said...

Holy cow, this is funny stuff. Geez!

El Jeffe said...

Good to have ya back in the game, Kell. I am suitably humbled, O Cryptographer. But you're still not a ninja. And I'm telling your kids you're a potty mouth.

Kell said...

Playing dirty are we?


GOOD to know......

~E said...

I think Mr. Twisted, Kell, and El Jeffe need their own comedy show... properly called 'A Twisted Sense of Funny', and it should be 100% improv!

Jonathan and Jason can make guest appearances.

=)

El Jeffe said...

You know Muse, if we could get Jameson to sponsor said show, and if "Ms Make-A-Sailor-Blush" could clean up her act, I think it just might work. And you would be entitled to 100% of the royalties we collect on recycling those empty whiskey bottles.

Mr. Twisted said...

Kell's busy right now, probably trying to figure out a new way to curse at us.

~E said...

'Ms Make A Sailor Blush' - but that's part of her charm!

As for royalties.. I'm thinking of all the great product spinoffs and endorsements... The 'Mr. Twisted Trunk Monkey', Chocodiles in Ninja themed wrappers, the Cryptic Talking Kell Doll, and last but not least, The 'Official Mr. Twisted Tin Foil Helmet Mind Protector'.

Recycled whiskey bottles... have to think bigger than that!!

Kell said...

Here's the thing (Drobny, 2005)... I am NEW at the “Ms Make a Sailor Blush” stuff... just you wait until I get good at it!!

...Cryptic Talking Kell Doll??? I think Mattel would go bankrupt on that train wreck.

~E said...

I was thinking since this would be more of an adult oriented show, the doll would be more likely marketed through a place like... Spencers.

Hmm... but you're right, instead of 'Cryptic', maybe it should be 'Sarcastic'. Or we could just go straight for the 'Make a Sailor Blush Doll'. ooohhh the possibilities. ;-)