Did you know that being married is like being nibbled to death by a duck?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I've Used That Defense. So What?

'Shania Twain' defense works in drunk driver's favour - This should be good:

One of the most notorious drunk drivers in the Ottawa area has been found not
criminally responsible on his latest impaired driving charges because of a
mental disorder that makes him believe female celebrities are controlling his
actions.

What are they talking aboot, eh? That's a mental disorder?

The 33-year-old man told psychiatrists that he knew the legal repercussions
of his actions, but believed singer Shania Twain was helping him drive.

Shania has "helped" me do a lot of things. Oh boy, has she... Wait, what were we talking aboot, eh? Oh yeah, the story.

On Monday, the judge drew on several psychiatric assessments in ruling that
Brownlee was not criminally responsible for his actions because he suffers from
delusions that celebrities such as Twain are communicating with him
telepathically.

She's been trying to get into my head for years, man. I know your pain. I truly do.

Seriously, isn't it just so cool that a guy like this is not only out driving around, but gets away with wreaking havoc because he's crazy? Let that be a lesson to you all; if you get a traffic ticket, use the "Shania Twain defense." It's way more effective than the "Chewbacca defense" popularized by South Park. Plus, she's way better looking.

7 comments:

El Jeffe said...

Wait, let me get this straight- you think Chewie is less attractive than Shania? Maybe if you're speaking from a physical appearance aspect. Maybe. But what about loyalty, crossbows, and spacecraft piloting ability? Hmmmm? Didn't think this through, did we?

Mr. Twisted said...

As hot as Mrs. Mutt Lange is, you win based on the crossbow point alone. I am humbled, and apologize to Chewie. Rrraaarrarrr.

plane geek said...

Enough of this non-sense..tomorrow we will invade Canada and begin the process of re-patriation. From there we proceed to take over the oil rich tar sands, the fertile plains of Alberta and Saskatchewan. From there we will remove the damn french from Quebec and import hot euro-trash babes from the former eastern bloc nations. And all of this because..Shania told me to do it. Well at least this option is better than invading Mexico or some other third world cess pool that exists to our south..I mean what do they have besides Shakira??

~E said...

"I mean what do they have besides Shakira??"

But what more do they need? ;-)

Kell said...

DUH... how could you forget Menudo??????

Anonymous said...

Shakira is Columbian, so they don't even have that...The Lebonese can claim half of her beauty!

Anonymous said...

What was the question???