Did you know that being married is like being nibbled to death by a duck?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Madonna Teaches Us How To Live

Madonna Scolds America - I know, a real shocker that the ever-humble Madonna isn't totally pleased with the very source of her wealth.

Madonna has accused American citizens of being afraid of electing a female as
president of the United States. She believes Americans are frightened by the
concept. She explains: "In Europe and Asia and elsewhere, women have ruled over

When asked to define what country or continent was represented by her term "elsewhere," the material girl's head tilted backwards, her jaw dislocated and opened up a cavernous hole allowing hundreds of wasps to fly out and swarm the interviewer. Confirming theories held by many that she in fact sold her soul to the un-dead years ago.

I, for one, am ashamed of myself for not being keyed in to the higher thought processes that she obviously is. How have I made it this far through life? Not very well, obviously. I only hope that she can forgive the poor American people for their wretched ways long enough to come back and make another one of her super great albums/books/movies.

Go read the site I stole the story from. They make fun of her real good.


El Jeffe said...


You don't think she's a good spokesperson for a female president?

I worry that even if a woman could somehow wade through the b.s. involved with attaining the commander-in-chief title, it wouldn't be because she truly merited the position, but rather, because she was recognizable. Which in this country, seems to mean an ex-Survivor contestant or someone married to a sports star.

Jonathan Scott said...

It is important to hear from celebrities. They selflessly place themselves in the public spotlight on a daily basis to share their wisdom with us.

For example- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes... the way that they were mercilously pursued during their courtship, and STILL managed to share their love with the world. They sacrificed their private life for the benefit of mankind. And Tom Cruise even had a big movie coming out...I like to call him "Nathan Hale".

Mr. Twisted said...

el Jeffe - Although I can see a female occupying the office, no, I don't think slutwhor... I mean, Madonna, is a good spokesperson for it. That is, unless we want the State of the Union address to have a techno dance beat to it and turn into a three hour-long yoga-orgy. Which, hey, who am I to say is wrong?

Scottie - well said. I don't know how they do it. They are obviously on a different level than we are. I am just so thankfull that people like this exist to not only make money by selling their bodies, but to still have time to tell us how to think. We are truly lucky to live in a time of such wonderous knowledge.

Kell said...

I would probably make a sarcastic reference to a requirement of monster boobies for any potential female candidate... but since today is International Women's Day... I will refrain.

Mr. Twisted said...

Today is international monster boobies day??? (Reading comprehension was never my strong suit).

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