Since it is a new year, and so much to look forward to, I thought we could offer some suggestions to people in the limelight for resolutions they should make this year.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (President of Iran) - Try and be nice to your neighbors. An ideal place to start would be by not wishing death upon them. Just a thought.
Pat Robertson - Purchase large quantities of duct tape to cover up the hole above his chin.
This guy - To learn how to appreciate a good meal.
Kevin Mench (who?) of the Texas Rangers - Go ahead and spend a couple extra of those measley bucks you bust your hump for and cover up the tattoo on your arm which was apparently done by a blind guy at a county fair. I mean really, it's not like you don't have the money...
Laird Hamilton - Try to push the limits a little bit, and stop playing it safe all the time.
Gwyneth Paltrow - Go lots of places she hasn't been in a while, and maybe then she will figure out where her sanity is. Is she real, or just made up for the amusement of some wacky scientist somewhere?
Abu Musab al Zarqawi - Find a better hiding place than this guy had. You're going to need it.